The Aftermath of a Long Distance Fling

The Aftermath of a Long Distance Fling

Are not in a stable frame of mind, health, or existential state. Still want the freedom to travel, to explore, and to date around! Don’t want the accountability or consequence of looking after someone else. Want a new, fresh slate; this might mean a different location, job, or makeover. Don’t know what love is. Are pursuing a promotion, studying for your Master’s, or helping build a library in Guam. Want to really master the art of geocaching. Want to explore your sexuality. Care too much of finding the right person. Don’t care at all about finding the right person. Want to focus on building relationships with your good friends and family.

Have too many heavy life-crises occurring in your life now ranging from suffering a job slump to an illness to moving to losing a loved one. Are investing in building community, colleague, and coworker relationships. Know just what you’re looking for. Don’t have any idea what you’re looking for. Want to launch your own business, line of products, or NGO organization.bonga cams Have a furry, best friend called Chase or Fluffy. Are still figuring what emotional intimacy is to you. Understand that marriage isn’t probable for you. Understand marriage is a finite possibility for you. Still don’t know who you are. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Marriage, Relationships, Self, Tips & Advice an expression used when a girl is just too hot for you and you have absolutely no chance with her. Dude don’t even try it, she’s way out of your league. — The Urban Dictionary “The League” isn’t only an awesome tv show but also this taxonomy we dreamed up to properly categorize social outcasts who are hopeless and sex-challenged. I’m going to say it right now: It’s all in your head! While many would have you believe that you need to figure out what your “league” is, I just don’t buy it. In life, it’s a given that some people will like you and some people will not. I remember, many moons ago, when I worked at a record store. I joked around with all my customers. Mostly, they seemed to enjoy my humor and that was great, it made my day go by quicker and made something mundane more entertaining for everybody. That wasn’t the case for all my customers. One day a woman comes in to return videos. I’m joking around with her. She cuts me off mid-sentence and says, “You know, you ain’t that cute and you’re undoubtedly ain’t that funny. When I come here and get helped by you I swear I wish you’d just shut the fuck up!” She proceeded to throw a crumpled up ten-dollar bill at me and then stormed out of my store, not collecting her change.

I’d like to say she’s the only example, but there are others. In bars and clubs, when I frequented them, I’d talk to lot of women. I might get shot down at an impressive clip. Probably better than 90% of the women I approached were not interested in me. If I had a league, it was small and certainly one of my own. As I grew older and more confident in myself I dated more. I met different types of women who were more than me, younger than me, had their shit together, and didn’t know what the fuck these people were doing. I dated all over the spectrum. There were women I went out with that, I felt, I had no business being with because they were so much more attractive relative to my personal perceived attractiveness. I felt, then, that I was dating out of my league. If I view it, just about every woman I’ve dated has been “out of my league.” Since this seemed to be an every time sort of thing I begun to wonder if this so-called “league” actually existed. I posit to you that this “league” is a figment of your imagination; it is a societal construct erected to explain away the simple fact that a lot of people think you’re a turd.

The woman I’m with now is, i might say, out of my league. She actually is college educated, has her P.h.D. and has a relatively stable family. By contrast, I didn’t go to college, my family history is checkered, with red-flags abounds. Yet, for some reason, with those things in mind, this person still desires to be with me. Basically, some people are just not likely to want to fuck you either sober or shit-faced. That doesn’t mean you’re not in their league. That’s just life. I’ve seen so many examples of couples who are “mismatched.” That is—those couples who seem to be ill-paired because one of them can be so much better looking than the other. When I stop to take into account it, it surely does make this notion of a “league” laughable. Science tells us that if we spend more time together that individuals are more likely to become attracted to one another.

The Loophole in Long Distance Dating

Have you ever had a realization that you wanted to fuck a co-worker who you would never have those thoughts about? Yeah, that’s a thing, people. And why not? If you work in an office, you spend the majority of your life there, with your coworkers. The more time you spend with them, the more you understand them.

Perhaps you learn to enjoy their company and empathize with them when they have a setback. It’s normal and it happens all the time. Ask around. I dare you! I have two friends Brett and Ailey, now married to one another, who have been nursing recent breakups. The two, I think, couldn’t have been any more of a mismatch. She was tall, had a great smile, bubbly personality, and was chased by men (and women) from far and wide. He was partially blind, had a limp, bad haircut, and most of us would guess he was a virgin. Yet he was slamming the pussy, folks. My point is that Brett and Ailey are married. Ailey was a highly sought after woman. I had even pursued her at one point (and failed).

Brett scored. Why? Because he’s a nice guy, he’s devoted, he knows how to love and how to be loved. There is absolutely no league. Don’t pander to it, don’t acknowledge it. If you like someone, pursue them. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out. Couples who are different atlanta divorce attorneys way have been fucking and marrying and doing all sorts of shit since the dawn of time, people.

If the league is a myth, I’m going to have to say that it is “busted.” Featured image credit — Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook8Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Online Dating I wanted to share this short film with you called The Perfect Boyfriend. It’s a fun rumination on dating! Enjoy: Thanks for watching! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook18Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: dating sex relationships romance baddates When I ask where people met their current lover, rarely do they answer “in bars”. Yet many people go out at night looking to meet women in bars. Loud music, social lubricant, and a plethora of attractive people to choose from appears like a great place to meet a special someone. Nonetheless, too many factors are working against you for it to be the most effective place to mingle and produce a real connection. That’s not to say it can’t happen. It never has for me, but don’t let that stop you from going out and having a good time. That said, it may be good to set your expectations low when taking this approach. I’ve never had good luck in bars. Maybe it’s because I don’t drink alcohol, or that I don’t like crowded places, or that I’d rather not have to yell to be comprehended.

There’s something very unsexy about yelling at someone while trying to flirt. Why shouldn’t you meet women in bars? 1) It’s too loud. Too much communication gets lost, mangled, or misread when you can’t effectively heard the other person. Take this conversation I had recently. “HOW ARE YOU?” “WHAT?” “HOW ARE YOU?” “WHO AM I?” “I DON’T KNOW!” 2) The odds are forever NOT in your favor Most people go out looking for love at night. Which means the lady you have in mind has probably been approached several times that night. You may be the one she lets in, but your odds are much lower in a spot filled with guys who want the same thing as you. 3)  She’s built up a wall Women get approached in bars more than anywhere else. They go out to truly have a few drinks with friends and often don’t want to be hit on constantly. So they build up a defense. Your friendly approach probably just won’t cut it here. 4) Alcohol lowers your chance of a real connection. (I said three but fuck it here’s a fourth!) People go to bars to drink alcohol. This may make them more flirty, more touchy, and more emotionally expressive than when they haven’t had anything to drink. This may be great if you are looking for that special someone in the next couple of hours, and only for a couple of hours. Nonetheless, if you’re looking for something a bit more long term, connecting with someone while under the influence of alcohol won’t give you an accurate read on their personality, and it certainly does alter behavior in yourself also. Am I suggesting that you should meet people when not under the influence of alcohol?

That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. Stop going out to meet up women in bars. Get out of bars and go talk to people in actual life. Walk next to them and strike up a conversation; flirt in cafes, grocery stores and at the car wash. Don’t be scared to walk up to a stranger and start talking to them. Be friendly and smile. If someone doesn’t want to chat, smile, say “have a nice day” and move along. It’s not personal. Be light and fun. I’ve met the most interesting people in the most mundane situations.

Guidelines to Live Blog By…

There’s something incredible about connecting with someone while waiting in line for your coffee, or while taking your dog for a walk. Magic is often in the mundane, not in a bar.  Shaun Galanos a dating coach, and host and producer of The Love Drive. He lives, drives, and writes in San Francisco, CA.  Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, For Men, Opinion, Tips & Advice Tagged in: dating advice, dating advice for men, dating advice for straight men, how to meet women, meeting women in bars, where to meet women Simone Grant has Unwisely Featured Me on Her Blog. Plainly She Enjoys the Punishment Well, the lovely Simone Grant has decided to feature yours certainly on her blog at Sex, Lies and Dating. This feature is in spite of my innate capacity to be an idiot; really, not even Jesus isn’t as forgiving as Simone. Believe the hype, bitches! ( For those that are wondering, yes, I’ve been saying “believe the hype” plenty lately. Don’t hate) Anyway, go check out my post over at Simone’s Blog! Tell her, Turd Ferguson sent you. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details, Opinion Tagged in: Dating, lies, Sex, simone grant So this post isn’t going to be terribly long. Instead it will be short and sweet… The complete opposite of who I am. I was out in LA, waiting to meet friend for dinner and drinks. I show up about thirty minutes early. LA traffic was kind to me. As my home boy Ice Cube said “today was a good day.” I’m at this place called ‘Church and State,’ which is across the street from where I’m going. I grab a seat at the bar and order up a drink. I talk to one of the other people at the bar. Random chit chattery. Some minutes later a pair of women walk in and also take a seat at the bar. One of them cute, one of them… Well, one of them was someone else’s cup o’ tea.

Nice. I smile, the cute one doesn’t notice and the other gal kindly smiles back. Meh. No worries. I dig into my pocket to retrieve my phone. I set it on the bar. I open up OkCupid, because that’s what a winner like me does. I see who’s nearby… Cute girl who didn’t bother to smile at me is nearby alright. Three stools nearby, in fact! Now, I know the right thing to do is always to just talk to them. I know this. But I don’t do that. Instead, I go creeper. I send a message saying. “The guy to your right thinks you’re cute.

His mom say’s he’s cool and you should wink at him.” Send… I take a big chug of my drink… I order another. At this point I was nervous and paralyzed to say anything. Then I start to see the cute gal pull her phone out and she’s thumbing through it. Her and her friend are whispering now. “Aw fuck!” I’m thinking to myself. And pretty much at that they both turn to me. The cute gal asks “The guy to my right?” “The original,” I reply. We become chatting very quickly before they settle up with the bar keep and wander out of the place. The conversation was void of any online dating talk. No question as to why I sent that, no admission of weirdness from her. plainly no other interest otherwise… I didn’t die. Pickup Artists would tell me my ‘game’ sucks. They’re not wrong.

I was terribly nervous doing that, however, I got this thing… I got this thing where I like to force the awkward. It comes from when my friend’s step dad told me to embrace awkward moments. “Always be first,” he said. Not in all things, but if you see some one you don’t like. Walk up to them. Say ‘hello.’ If you see some one you do like, make eye contact and say ‘hello.’ Very simple words and I’ve taken them to heart over the years. Moral of the story? Probably not a good idea to message girls on OkC who are sitting next to  you; but then again, forcing the awkward isn’t always a bad thing. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides In moderation, there’s nothing selfish about being selfish. Quite the contrary: Putting ourselves first means we make certain there’s enough of us to go around, and in good enough shape. You can’t look after others when you’re running on empty. Besides, you deserve to be happy as anyone else, and which means having time to relax and to spend as you please. So go ahead and be a little selfish — it’ll do everyone good. 1. Say no freely.

You know what you have time for and what you don’t, what you care about and what’s unimportant. If someone asks you to do something and you instantly feel tight in the chest, that’s your cue to bow out. 2. Be uninformed. If watching the news every night stresses you out, you’re not alone. Hearing about horrific crimes, genocide and starvation does more than pull at your heartstrings: It raises your stress levels to the point where you’re prone to give into temptation, such as overeating or drinking too much. For your health, turn the news off. 3. Make time for exercise. Even if it means leaving the office early or dropping the kids off with the babysitter, making time to exercise is one of the best moves you possibly can make. And if it means that important project has to wait until tomorrow or your kids will have a sugary after-school snack, so be it. 4. Get a massage. Professional massages are expensive, and they require you to have away from your family and ignore your to-do list. Is it worth every penny? Absolutely.

The stress relief you get from a massage will help you live longer and stay happier in the process. 5. Eat real food. Yes, it costs more and takes longer to prepare than take out, but what you place in your body has a huge impact on the method that you feel and perform. Eating quality food is certainly worth the time and expense, so be as selfish as you want when it comes to making time to prepare healthy meals. 6. Care a little less. It can be hard to let go when you want things done a certain way, but giving up the reins to others and not caring if things aren’t perfect is unbelievably freeing. 7. Spend time with friends. Most of us have to-do lists a mile long, and the older and busier we get, the more friendships go on the back burner. But maintaining important friendships does wonders for our health, even if it’s at the expense of not doing a couple loads of laundry, or setting the kids as you’re watching TV while you have some adult time. If you still can’t wrap your mind around how being selfish can be good for others, think of the example you’re setting for your kids, coworkers or other important people in your life.

You want them to treat themselves with respect, so that you have to first model how to do so. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Self So you’re really interested in someone and have been texting back and forth for a little while and suddenly… gasp… the texts stop. They haven’t responded to you in a few days. What to do? Here’s my short directory of to dos in this situation, it’s pretty simple: 1. Enjoy your life to start with, you should be so enthralled in your epic life that you shouldn’t be ‘waiting’ for someone to message or call you. So keep living your life and dating people and putting yourself nowadays. Don’t let one person hold you back from moving forward and enjoying your life. 2. Give them a call Honestly, if you really like the person the best thing you certainly can do at this point is to call them on the phone and invite them out on a date. If they don’t respond to a voicemail, make up an excuse, or say no, you have your answer and you should move on with your epic life. Note: If they say yes, and you go out and have a great time, you should definitely be asking them why they suddenly went MIA on you for a few days.

Tell them that when you date people, you don’t expect to message each other all the time but you do expect communication, and if the person becomes too busy to message, you’d appreciate the heads up. Don’t be rude about it… keep it light… but make sure they take you seriously. a conversation like this will let them know you have expectations and respect for yourself. In addition indicates that you can put your big girl/boy pants on and communicate in a relationship, even when it’s not at all times comfortable to do so. Here’s the thing… in the modern dating world, there are many distractions and many options for a lot of people to date and meet others. If someone is easily distracted from you, it likely indicates there is not a strong connection between the two of you to begin with. Your best bet is to remove them from your contact list and move on. If someone is truly interested in you, they will reach out to you and let you know if they are going through a busy period in life and will not be able to communicate with you for a couple of days. When people drop off the radar without warning it’s not usually an excellent sign.

Not to mention, do you really want to start a relationship with a person who will just ignore you at the drop of a hat? Hell to the NO. Don’t you feel you deserve better? I’m here to tell you do! When someone treats you with such little respect, and you continue to message them or text them things like ‘ok I guess we’re not talking anymore’, it makes you look sad and desperate; two qualities that are not attractive in the dating world. Have respect for yourself and find a person who desires to talk to you and spend time with you! One final phone call will seal the deal and then you can either move forward with them or move on. Remember, self-respect and self-love are the keys to finding a fulfilling and happy relationship!   Sally is a leading dating coach for single women and men who are looking for love.

She offers free resources like an ebook entitled A Guide to Online Dating and can be found blogging away about dating and relationships on Follow her: Facebook: Instagram: Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

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